MMOMFG Guide to Shaming in Halo Reach

The Halo: Reach Beta has been wildly popular, receiving over a million downloads on its launch this past Monday. Considering the success and popularity, we could think of no better time than now to bring you the first installment of our MMOMFG Xbox Live Survival Guide. Each installment of this quaint little guide will cover a variety of topics ranging from keeping your sanity while playing against unsupervised pre-pubescent monsters to the perfect vantage points for your sniping pleasure in specific titles. While our guidance may not help turn you into a pro-gaming protégé, it will undoubtedly help you find a more enjoyable and ultimately more satisfying online gaming experience.

Today, we venture into the world of Halo: Reach and offer you a few tips on how to expand your shaming/teabagging résumé. The influx of noobs jumping on the Beta in conjunction with new weapons and armor abilities offer up a number of variations on a classic shaming move.

Throwback to a classic - The origins of the teabag have been the subject behind a long heated debate. Many credit Master Chief with the birth of this crude yet always hilarious shaming, while others confidently boast it was Red and a small yet confident bunch hold steady in the notion that Blue was behind it all. While all hold valid arguments, we are here to set the record straight. The original teabagger came some time before Red, Blue, and even Master Chief himself.

It was a simpler time, back then, when a bunch of sweaty Spartan dudes could hit the communal showers without having their sexuality come into question. It all happened when a simple game of soap soccer (if you have to ask, you probably don’t want to know) went awry. Swifty Bags lost his balance and fell balls first on the face of one his comrades. What started out as an unfortunate blunder, quickly turned into an inside joke, which naturally became an online gaming phenomenon. The Halo Reach beta offers fans of this shaming move the opportunity, nay the privilege, to pay homage to the birth of this beloved ball shaming, and in the very same shower stall where it all started! Be warned though, the close quarters of this stall throws a kink into what now seems like a routine dance, one false move and you could end up like this or this.

Bait N’ Bag - I loves me some noob hunting, and you should too! It always amazes me how easy it is to snag a tasty noober, even in a game that has been around for about a decade. Thanks, low gene pools! All you will need to do to execute this move is find yourself a nice corner or airshaft to set your bait. Now you play the waiting game, which in noob time shouldn’t be more than 5-10 seconds. Once you’ve got one in your sights, lightly blast a couple of rounds or toss a grenade (seriously?) their way to ensure you’ve got their attention. You will know when you’ve got a keeper when he blindly charges at you spraying bullets in haste with no regard for his surroundings. At this point, you will want to sneak around your chosen corner or up your airshaft and wait for your unsuspecting victim.

If you wrangle up a timid one, you might want to toss an additional grenade to ensure pursuit (works every time!). Once that little booger turns the corner you’ll know what to do! Naturally, you will want to dip your coin purse on the respective victim’s forehead to guarantee a clean kill.

Atomic Bagging - This is by far the most satisfying and enjoyable way to deliver your testa-cola to unsuspecting noobers that I have found thus far. The jetpack offers an additional playing field to take advantage of. While biddies have trouble enough keeping track of what’s in front of and behind them, trying to accommodate the third  and newest aspect (the airspace above them) of the playing field into their defense strategy is enough to send them into seizures.  In layman’s terms, noobs never look up, take advantage of this! Get some air, drop in, slap the opponent with your jewels!

Teabag 2.0 - A classic can be defined by the ability to adapt and accommodate to the times and new resources while still preserving the original sentiment behind the content. Despite what you may think, teabagging is no exception. Incorporating Armor Lock into your nad shaming routine is not difficult and offers up a third person vantage point that is to die for. If you are even the slightest bit egotistical or just enjoy flashy shaming moves, this is definitely one for you. This remix to a classic is undoubtedly going to take shaming to the next level. The best part? You will be shielding WHILE you shame, so you don’t have to worry about your little protein pendulums being blasted off!

Just remember, you can’t spell sportsmanship without t-e-a-b-a-g. Okay, so maybe that’s not true, but you should never be afraid to show your opponent you sat in gum! What’s your favorite shaming move, MMOMFGers? Like one that hasn’t been detailed here? Share it with us in the comments below!

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